The WBRS Fall 1995
Program Guide

Open Lines!

Well, I have been ordered by the mighty and all-powerful JJ to write something about a show called Open Lines. It is believed that I have been asked because I am one of the show's hosts. My name is Lou. Captain Lou to those who have military connections. My partner's name is Leigh. It is pronounced "LEE," not "LAYG." I know that it is spelled to sound like "LAYG," but it should not be pronounced as such. We are both from Maryland.

Open Lines is not an ordinary show. It is, in fact, a call-in/talk show. In other words, without listener/caller participation, the show does not go as smoothly as we would like. But that is okay. Leigh and I are well armed with the infinite knowledge of the mundane, the eccentric, and Vietnamese pigs. We answer all questions about anything. We will tell you your fortune. We give advice. And if PAL9 is busy, we will take messages for them.

Leigh and I are not alone. Yes, there are others who aid in our struggle to fill two hours of airtime. There is Open Lines' engineer extraordinaire, James Feinberg. James is like Scotty on Star Trek, except that he isn't Scottish, he isn't heavy, and he is much younger. Just for your information, James is from Maryland, also. Frightening, ain't it? Then there is Josh Berlin. Josh answers the phones and looks at is strangely when we speak to him. This is either because Josh is strange-looking or because he does not understand English. It might be a combination of both; Josh is from Georgia. (Have you ever seen Deliverance?) And finally, there is Open Lines' producer, Aryeh Primus. We don't mess with Aryeh. Aryeh is one bad mother...SHUT YO' MOUTH...But I'm talkin' 'bout Aryeh!...THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

Why should you listen to Open Lines? Well, if you don't, Aryeh will get angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. (Piano solo, "Dr. David Banner...") No, you should listen to Open Lines because it's fun. Do you think that moi would get involved with something that wasn't fun? Do you really think that I would bust my tuchas to be on a program that was tedious and boring? Well, some would think so, but they are all a bunch of poopypants. Open Lines is a great show to host, and even more so to listen to. Or is it the other way around?

Open Lines is on every Thursday morning from midnight to 2 A.M. It's how you know Wednesday's over. If you don't listen, it is your loss. But then again, if you sleep during it, you are getting two hours more sleep than Leigh and I do. And if you do listen, we guarantee that you will never be irregular again.
Captain Louis "LOU" Jefferson Fleischer has resigned his commission in Starfleet. Ever since Captain James T. Kirk "died," Starfleet just hasn't been the same. He has recently escaped from the Sheppard Pratt Hospital for the Mentally Ill and has recorded a double-album of his world famous sheep impersonations.

Also check out the Lou and Leigh home page! Return to WBRS' Fall Program Guide.
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